Thursday, December 4, 2008
We are officially in the fast lane to Christmas, yet, in my home, if you look up at the ceiling in my bathroom, you will see a giant, orange, mylar pumpkin balloon. It refuses to give up the ghost, as they say.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
By the time our third child started to loose her teeth, the quality of the tooth fairy's work had slipped beyond recognition. She became fickle, sometimes taking three or four nights to take the tooth and put the quarters under the pillow.
There also seemed to be a new policy that she didn't visit when daddy was out of town--because, of course, he would want to see the tooth before she took it away.
Her inconsistancies raged on with some teeth being worth 2 dollars, some 5 and, on one occasion, my son woke up to find a 20 dollar bill under his pillow.
The final straw came last night when the tooth fairy left a gift certificate. It was small and written in pink letters on notebook paper that said child #3 was entitled to 2 plastic figures from our local toy store.
That morning we promptly presented our certificate, with little fanfare, to the toy store clerk. He didn't seemed phased as I paid for the other items and he popped the 2 plastic figures into the bag with the rest of the lot. Obviously it wasn't the first time the tooth fairy had left i.o.u.s to children in our small town.
Discussion in Car on the Way Home:
Kid#3: Why does the tooth fairy steal from little kids?
Mom: She doesn't steal from kids.
Kid#3: But she takes your tooth!
Mom: She leaves something in return.
Kid#2: Then it's like you're selling your tooth?
Kid#1: Remember that time I got 20 bucks from the tooth fairy?
Kid#2: That must of been because we were in Canada. That was the Canadian tooth fairy. I hope I lose a tooth in Canada.
Kid#3: How can the tooth fairy get a gift certificate? Where does she get her money?
Kid#2: And how does the man at the store get paid back for the plastic figures?
Mom: I think there must of been a bar code on the certificate.
K2: I didn't see one on there.
Mom: Maybe it's organized with the government.
K2: The tooth fairy is part of the government?
K3: We should go back in there and try to use the certificate again. Maybe we'd get more plastic figures.
K2: How would the tooth fairy be part of the government???
Mom: Who's ready to stop and get some lunch?
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority;
they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise;
they no longer rise when elders enter the room;
they contradict their parents, chatter before company;
gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.
--Socrates, Fifth Century B.C.
Friday, March 7, 2008
The most shocking things in life always happen when you are doing something, like standing in the kitchen cutting strawberries. So, there I am, and 1st Daughter casually asks me when she should have sex. Keep in mind #1 daughter is 9 YEARS OLD!!! I am prepared for many technical questions about womanhood, but I had not given much thought as to when I would advise(?) my 9 year old daughter to have sex. I flummoxed my way through some kind of answer that clearly told her to wait a long, long, long time.
I was talking with some other moms about this last night over dinner. The mom of a 15 year old, who clearly had been asked all the questions, gave this advice, “Be it sex or drugs or whatever, the right answer is always 21 years old. 21 is always the right answer.” I was amazed that she could so quickly solve this dilemma and chalk everything up to being ready for action at 21.
I’ve been thinking about 21–and I like this answer a lot. I could absolutely tell my daughter about the first time I had an alcoholic drink (don’t laugh here, 21) or the first time I tried some kind of non-prescription, possibly illegal drug (don’t laugh harder, 37) or the first time I smoked (really, really don’t laugh, never), but sex? That happened much younger and maybe I should have waited for 21 to do that–I think I would of made smarter decisions about who, where, when and perhaps enjoyed it more.
I am terrible at lying. Years ago, I was a great lier. I could make up anything and have anyone believing it in a second–I had a great imagination and came up with some doozies. Now, I sincerely suck at it. If my daughter looks me in the eye, I’m afraid I am going to spill the beans. But sex is scarier now, considering AIDs and all the STDs out there. It’s so much riskier and it’s not so much about pregnancy, it’s about taking your health in you hands.
My biggest fears growing up about sex were pregnancy and a broken heart. Now it’s those issues plus the most important–life.
My BIG favorite South Park answer??? “There’s a time and place for everything–and it’s called college. ” Check out the episode Ike’s Wee Wee and you will get a better education on why drugs are bad AND circumcision.
Maybe I can say, “There is a time and place for everything.It’s called when you’re in college and 21.”