Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My Husband's Sneaking Around


We live in an enlightened little part of the world...some of the enlightenment is influenced by guilt.

Picture in your mind a sophisticated cocktail party: dim lights, candles, and beautiful, modern floral arrangements punctuating the landscape. Martini glasses dangle from bejeweled fingertips (both male and female) and the women's heels are expensive and high.

Skirts are short. Botox runs rampant across the faces of the thirty something plus crowd. Men wear jeans and shirts with faux holes that each sport price tags of $200.00 and up. The conversation? How to be more "ECO."

As a gas guzzling, carbon footprint the size of Big Foot, family of five, my husband and I asked ourselves, "Do we really need a 10 year old V8 Jeep AND a mini van?" After several conversations with the green enlightened, we decided to get off our duffs and adopt more eco-friendly transportation.

My husband is now the proud (?) owner of a Toyota Highlander Hybrid. It is sleek and shiny AND AS SILENT AS A STALKING PANTHER.

In the old days, I could hear him coming home from work three blocks away. The V8 would roar like a lion throughout our suburban neighborhood. I also could hear him in the morning, pulling out of the driveway sounding like a full drag race was on--though he was only just turning the key in the ignition.

Now, I have no idea where he is. I take the garbage out, BOOM, there he is finishing a conference call in the driveway. I slam the van in reverse, hit the gas to get the kids to school on time, and BOOM, his car is behind me. Turns out his morning meeting was at the coffee shop.

He is sneaking around in that shiny, black hybrid. In the old days, I could hear him coming up the street, so I could quickly get off Zappos.com and look like I was dusting furniture and making dinner. Now he opens the door and I jump ten feet off my computer chair. The full evidence spread on the screen before me of unbridled, online shopping.

I am getting jumpy. Those hybrids are stealth and it's freaking me out.

4 comments:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

LOL! See, this is why I am not eco friendly. I can hear my hubby's car from down the block too and I LIKE it!

Jennifer said...

LOL! I would have the same problem, except my husband ONLY comes through the garage when he comes home, so I can hear the door open and quickly change my web page! Hahahaha!

Helene said...

Oh my, this was hilarious!!! I'm always quick to jump off the computer as soon as I hear my husband's key in the front door!!!

~Jamie said...

Good to know. Can't have the hubs sneaking up on me. My perfectly crafted facade would be ruined. I can't let 10 years of diligent work go down the tubes. If the environment has to pay the price, so be it!