Circle of Friends

We had a fabulous gathering of friends last night. The weather was post card perfect. It really was a gorgeous, gorgeous night. It is in those occasions that I really feel blessed by the family that is our "friend" family.

When I was growing up, it was my cousins that I saw at each and every holiday and event. At these gatherings, my aunts and uncles chattered in the background, while the kids ran amok. Most of my relatives ALL live within a 15 mile radius of each other. There were, and still are, only a handful of exceptions--uh, like maybe 5, including me.

Food was always homemade and potluck. Everyone had their signature speciality. Every once in a while a fantastic new dish would appear, and the recipe was instantly shared on recipe cards. They still all do this for birthdays, graduations and holidays. That is a very hard part about living across the country from your childhood home.

When we moved to the west coast, I had to leave behind the occasions that defined my ideas of celebration and family. I also left behind the network of support that you don't really realize is there until you don't have it. Especially, after I had my first baby, I realized that I was alone. There was no one to bring over a casserole in the special sharing basket. There was no one to hold that baby while I had a shower.

Last night, I looked around the late night circle of faces on the patio in the candle light. There was so much big history in that little circle. We were all comfortable, the way that family is comfortable. There is a comfort and grace that is so reassuring.

If I had a baby now, there is no doubt that casseroles would appear magically on my doorstep. There is no doubt that any woman, or man, in that circle would hold my precious newborn so that I could take a shower.

We are not afraid to call each other out on the good. the bad or the ugly. There is no fear. We all have seen the highs and lows, and we know that these are solid, friends for good. These, are our west coast family...and we love you!

Better Friends

There are some friends that you will always be close to. You can not see each other in ages, but you can pick up like you haven't missed a beat in milliseconds when you get together again. With some friends, there is a natural connection that is always there like an invisible telephone wire from soup can to soup can.

I have spent a lot of my adult life moving away from friends--or having friends move away from me. The tearful good-byes, the frequent e-mails and holiday cards that dwindle to barely a blip on the radar. Sometimes, there is good-bye and a direct flat line. It often isn't any one's fault, it's just how life rolls.

Some friendships you fight for. Some friendships don't require fighting, they just ARE and they are REAL. We do our best to maintain, and like an overgrown lawn, some of the very best quality roots are settled deep.

Other friends are BETTER friends after you move away. How is that, you might ask? Well, seriously, I've had friends that I barely talked to or saw for years when living in the same town, but as soon as I moved, the incredulous waterworks began. Then the e-mails, the phone calls and the visits were ignited like a blazing wildfire.

When we were visiting? When were they visiting? Not to be mean, but if I have 24 hours in a location, I am not visiting the friends that I only saw once a year in a good year. We had a couple of situations where I've seen some people more in one year of living far away than in five years of living in the same zip code.

Friendship takes patience and good chemistry. If you can drive a person crazy from another continent, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Or if friends move back after they have moved away, and didn't bother to ever call, send an e-mail, or give you details about their new address, are you really friends? I once read a quote that said, "friendship is of time and place." I guess this refers to that group of friends.

Thankfully we have friends that are constants throughout our lives. These are the friends that we call for no reason at all. These are the friends we call when the reason is so big, we can't bear to share it with anyone but our closest of pals. These are the friends we think about calling all of the time, but our time is snatched away before we know it's gone.

You all know who you are...